20241213 - 16:49
A week, a moment, a lifetime. The words already flowing out of my mind; my stomach; my fingertips; as I boot the laptop. Desperately grasped and held onto, fleeting thoughts and ideas, now carrying the burden of making up for a yesterday imprinted with a sense of lackluster-ness. The time is now, and every situation carries its essence. Now, as I write this, noticing the block arising at times when the words continue to flow in my mind but the hands stop moving. To make all of it this act; not stopping the hands from moving. Surely not an easy task, and yet, ‘writing’ does itself. Now the content might vary, its shape and form, its grandiosity, whatever one might point to, but the essence stays. It always remains, flowing and changing into inumerable forms, the crescent of a wave forever carried forward simply by the absurd notion that there’s nothing else for it to do. Why am I alive? Why is there something, rather than nothing? Questions floating in the depths of a void we can deem nothing but shallow; questions forever asked but never answered. Why I am here I do not know. Slowly, I am learning that it is not so important. I am here; that is all. What shall I do with this, is the question. Every moment, every thought, every act, carried forward by this inkling, by this curiosity. Who am I? Every moment an opportunity, not to answer, but to see the answer arising. When imagined expectations are let to fade away, the answer arises anew clear as day. The sun might be hiding behind the clouds and the rain whipped up into a familiar torrent; the city a gray landscape of dirt and noise, its people nothing more than husks of their own creation; ambition and possibility swallowed by the idea that there is something here that we might lose, something of value that must be held onto. Yet the more I throw myself forward into all of it, into the depths of something I am fully aware might actually eat me alive, into the very possibility of dying; moment by moment; I am blessed with life. Blessed with its presence, the only worthy task I see ahead of me is the task of sharings its bounty with the world that taught and made me everything I am today.
shabbat shalom