240227 - Slow

2024-03-01 17:03In a daze I walk back home from dinner. Hypnotized by my reptilian-looking, bare, feet. Unsure if it’s the state I’m in or the 10kg I’ve lost - reptilian-looking indeed. The absence of shoes, feeling the asphalt beneath my feet, all the little imperfections that make up the streets of Chiang Mai; every step becomes a reminder of who I am. What I am. That I am. In a daze I walk. I feel the city moving around me, its frequency high-pitched and incessant. It demands conformity. Within it I feel slow, maladapted, strange. I cannot adapt, even if I wanted to. The city will forever remain a stranger, calling for me. At times I find myself rustled by its voice - at the counter of 7/11 it almost gets to me. I hurry away, not wanting to hold up the non-existant queue. The spell does not hold for long, and then I am back here. Where time moves.. slower. I breathe, reveling in the feeling. Often it isolates, bringing with it feelings of loneliness and despair. Today, it’s been a source of strength. Today I appreciate what it brings me - the fact that it’s a part of who I am. Dancing to my own tune, I walk back home.