240605 - Demons

Today was a day of demons. A day of avoidance, and unprocessed emotions. The way it plays out is so familiar. I do everything I can to distract myself from this feeling, yet nothing I do helps. In fact it makes it worse. I know that I need to give it space, to give it respect and attention. I know it’s the only way forward. Yet I didn’t, I don’t. I even know it in the moment, but I purposefully don’t give myself space to reflect on it. It’s a curious thing, really. I remember one of the last things Hanna wrote me. Every moment is a new opportunity to be yourself. Every moment, every breath, is a true unfolding, is a rebirth. Every moment gives us space to shrug off our past, to respectfully regard the future skeptically, and with inviting warmth embrace that which is, truly, here. I took a walk in the evening, and to the tune of the wind rustling the leaves in the tree I step forward into the unknown. The demons haven’t gone anywhere, and I suspect there’s some deeper unprocessed happenings there, but they have gained no ground either. Tomorrow, a new day will rise. Goodnight.