240530 - Meetings

Today was.. A lot. Inexplicably much, and yet measured by the standards here very calm. I already feel like I’m pushing myself a bit too much. It’s hard to live in tune with other people, family and friends. I went climbing today and made dinner with my friend, the first person I’ve met since I came home. It was nice but talking so much was a bit exhausting. I did not respect that so I went home and played video games for an hour with another friend. Already I’ve committed to something tomorrow and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed, like things are getting out of hand. Getting away from the city a bit will do me good. The plan is to leave tomorrow and stay there for almost 2 weeks.

I feel a bit trapped, I guess. Trapped from who I was, relationships I had. Trapped by expectations and opinions of others, of myself. Trapped by old habits, new circumstances. I know it can be overwrought. It must be so actively; with effort, with mindfulness. I am no more than what I am precisely in every moment as it unfolds.

The morning was great, anyways. I walked with my mother to her work and then I continued for a while through the park. It’s really beautiful in the morning, and such a great thing to wake up to. The day was great, really, except it felt like 3 days without break. I need to take it slower in the future.