230317 - Day -19

It’s a bit ironic, the more I learn the less I have to know. These questions that used to plague me has ceased, not because they were resolved but quite simply because they stopped mattering. In this detachment, we find the resolution all along. Life is not a puzzle to solve. What happens after we die? How should I know, I’m not dead.1

I think I’ve come a bit closer to understanding what “delighting in sensuality” means. Obvious, maybe. But the inllectual understanding of the suffering inheren tin sensuality, in desires, does not illuminate this process as it happens in fact. I feel lust. I know I should contain myself, should see the desire for what it is and reject it (or - if we’re being pedantic - watch it, and let it go). Yet I fail, even if only partially. But this process of failing, is in the delight. The failure is not automatic. Because I have seen the process as it happens, I am aware enough to be able to stop it. It has already surfaced to my conscious. So why have I failed? It is because I enjoy the feeling of lust. I delight in it. I desire, not only, or not really at all, the object of my lust, but, as we learn from Lacan, desire itself. He thought it impossible to overcome. We know he was wrong. We must simply go deeper. Watch not only the lust, but the desire to feel lust.