230626 - First full day of Yoga

Today I want to talk about fear. That creeping feeling that makes us want to run away and hide in a corner, far away from life or anything that could possibly hurt us. I feel it especially on days, and weeks, like this. With new beginnings. From being bad at something, or just a bit confused and lost, shame and embarassement appears. It’s habitual. The reaction, too, is habitual. That of resisting, of cowering away. It’s fear, pure and simple. We meet our edge. The funny thing is how personal it is. For me, Free climbing five stories of a house is no problem. But coming to a yoga class and trying to improve my body, or interacting with people on the street, that’s where resistance is found. For me, bravery isn’t found in daring escapades. It’s asking the lady next-door how she’s doing. And so we allow ourselves to really feel it, no matter how it arises. We smile gently. Then we surrender to it. We see our edge, and so now we know where our work is to be done. We seek it out. We face it with an open heart, an open mind.

Today I feel could my Being wanting to close up. So instead we can laugh, at our misfortune, our stiffness, our particular neurosis. We laugh at how the world makes us see it, it’s really quite humorous. Then we can open up to it. The fear might stay. That’s okay. We just exist alongside it. I was on the verge of tears a few timess. Nothing in particular, just the energy we’re working with is so potent. And to be honest I’m really terrified of surrendering to it. I’m afraid that once the tears start flowing there’s no going back. I think what scares me the most with this yoga course is that I can feel the transformation, the inevitable transformation that will happen if I see this through. And that kind of vulnerability, of softness, it scares me.