230915 - Falling

I am falling. I don’t know for how long. Time moves differently here. Not chronologically, really. Up and down. Back and forth. In spirals, or great creatures coming out from like a cloud of dust. I see a lion roaring. A group of rabbits skipping forth, some digging a hole. I see a waterfall, and an old man with a cane. He has an eagle on his shoulder. This is time, this is his home. I am falling. The ground decided to vanish, once after all. Sometimes I’m not sure that it was ever here. Sometimes I think I imagined the whole thing, a fever dream long ago. But sometimes I think maybe it never stopped, the dream. Maybe it’s all that’s ever been. Maybe I am. But these are on the philosophical days, those imbued with a sweet taste of nostalgia and.. something else. Delirium, perhaps. Perhaps I find myself in these states more and more often. The darkness of the void has become a canvas for me to paint my words on. And I paint in colours, never having learned the meaning of modesty. No, modesty belongs to another’s age. One which didn’t feel the breath of youth. One who’s tomorrow hadn’t been robbed from them from the day they were born. But did such a lucky generation ever exist? One blessed from the trauma of original sin? Show me one such man and I’ll show you the place that hurts. I am falling. Once I learned to stop grasping, to stop trying to break the fall. Now, its wind is my nourishment. It keeps me alive, reminds me what that means. It tells me everything I’ll ever know. And a few times, things I won’t. On my way, I hope my words are properly recorded, stuffed with whatever the rainbow is made out of. I hope my words reach out of this darkness, that they grow up strong enough to survive the journey. I have faith in their perseverance. Whichever way it goes, I know it doesn’t really matter. I will never leave them, they are all I have. They are, in fact, not really mine. But I learned how to let my body become a highway from that other place ; the one beyond. Now I just keep myself strong enough not to hinder their way. Strong enough to hear them myself. I am falling. Please recognize the fact that you are, too.