230903 - Traveling
Traveling makes me anxious. And I haven’t precisely been off to a smooth start. Even before all the rest, my morning meditation was permeated by annoyance. That’s new. I feel restless. I guess these are the times when things really come to a test. How much can I let go? How much can I allow it to be messy? I just want this day to be over. It’s the first time in a long time I feel this way. It’s something to work with. I feel like the universe is teasing me. Let’s see how long this lasts.
Finally I’m on the road. Leaving Manali.. I was asleep and it was dark when I got here. I did not get to see the destruction. So many ruined houses, roads. Boulders big as houses having tumbled over. Big trucks flipped over and completely demolished. A lot of people must have lost their lives. I feel a bit bad coming here, oblivious to it all. The guy I rented a room from lost his restaurant. His comment? “What to do? It’s nature.”
Wherever I go, I see immense resilience. I’m reminded of the people in China. There was an old man of maybe 70 who would come to our house and do some work, chopping wood or whatever was needed. One day we helped him carry some logs sdown from the forest. Me and a friend would barely be able to carry one of them together, while he, with a cigarette in his mouth, somehow got it up on his shoulder and casually walked down. Then he would stand for days on end in the scorching sun chopping it up. Later I learned that he had lost his only son in an accident and was working to care for his grandkids.
My teacher told us about how his family denounced him when he quit his stable teaching job to go live in the mountains and devote himself to his Taoist practice. About his realization that he had to go live his own dreams, despite its safety. How he called them years later from the other side of the globe, having achieved more than any of them thought possible. But the road hadn’t been easy; not able to feed his kids breakfast.
Now I’ve waited for the bus for close to 3 hours. One and a half left. I’m very worried about missing it, because I’m just at a random place by the side of the road and the locals don’t know anything. Don’t feel like spending the night here. It’s what my trusted Google maps says. Oh well, we shall see. The anxiousness is again something to work with. Nothing to do but have faith.
30 minutes before the bus is supposed to depart the driver calls me. Of course he doesn’t speak English, and the shopkeeper next to me I hand the phone to to translate doesn’t either. Turns out I was at the wrong place after all. With a few words and some gestures he makes it clear that I need to go to another place. And that he will drive me. He closes up shop, clears out the garbage in the backseat, and gets me to the bus just a few minutes before it leaves. Thank God for kind people.
The bus was somehow 45 minutes early to my destination. That is truly unexpected. Got the last seat for the next bus to Rishikesh, got a bit worried for a second. Now 2 more hours of wait. Time is 02:00.
Bus was supposed to leave 5 minutes ago. Nobody else here going to Rishikesh, but this time its undoubtedly the right boarding point. The numbers provided are both disconnected. Another one supposed to go in an hour. If nothing happens by then I give up and take a cab.
So the bus didn’t show. Asked a guy to help me get a cab but it was insanely expensive. He took me to the local bus stand where a bus is supposed to come in 30min to Rishikesh. The local experience is very different. Let’s hope this works out.
The bus just left, at 0630. It’s supposed to go to Haridwar, an hour outside of Rishikesh. Good enough. I haven’t paid because I didn’t understand how to buy a ticket. We’ll see how that goes. I’m also worried that I will end up somewhere else, nobody really speaks English and I don’t trust myself today.
5 minutes later a conductor came. 350rs, and it does go to Haridwar. The bus that didn’t show cost me 1300…
It’s been more than 24 hours since I slept. It will be at least another 12 before I will. Now the sun is rising and I’m just in time for morning traffic. I want to sleep on the bus but the sharp edges of the window keeps stabbing my shoulder and it’s a bumpy road.
08.14
I didn’t quite appreciate how much noise my headphones removed until they died. Such is life.
08.51
I think the bus broke down. Now we’ve been outside some repair shop for over 30 minutes. Ahhh. Patience.
09.05
Aaaand it’s official. Everyone left. Nobody speaks English to explain what’s going on. Just when I thought I was making some progress.
09.22
A new bus will come at 10 to pick us up. I pray that there is space.
09.44
There’s a girl on the phone crying and looking very upset. I feel so much compassion for her, I want to give her a hug and let her know that everything will be okay. But I can’t. My intentions aren’t clear to her and I wouldn’t want to disturb her. Instead all I can do is send her love from afar. My predicament seems less, now. I can’t help but smile, this journey has been absurd. I think it’s the way it had to go, an uphill struggle. I’m not feeling anxious anymore. I trust that I will get there eventually. And I couldn’t imagine a greater goal.
At 13 I finally got to Haridwar, about 4 hours later than expected. All in all, not that bad. I mean, it could have been a lot worse. Once again India teaches not to take anything for granted. Teaches patience. Forces me to let go. Thank you for this journey. Looking forward to a warm meal, a hot shower, and a good night’s sleep. And meeting Hanna, most of all. It’s been too long.