20240604 - 17:07
I’m home. Everything feels a bit unreal. Like the day after the credit rolls. Hanna is in vipassana for 21 days now. It’s just me and my past. And wow does it feel different. I remember the things I used to worry about, things that took so much of my energy. They’re a distant memory now. I feel like I’m in a new world here, in Sweden. The shower is too good, our bathroom too clean. It’s weird to throw toilet paper in the toilet, and it’s too tall. Recycling is a thing. Tap water is healthy and delicious. Our freezer is full of food, and we have a dishwasher that makes conserving dishes a thing of the past. The streets are quiet and empty, even when they’re full of people. It’s a new world indeed.
We went for a walk, me, my dad, and my brother. I love the nature here, and the air. Conversations are a bit difficult, always containing lots of caveats and side-discussions which leaves me being with myself for a while. That’s okay. I struggle with the long days, walking home from my brother at 9 in the evening the sun makes me think it’s 3 in the afternoon. Most of all though, I feel content. It’s not really home like it used to be, filled with complications and attachments, but nonetheless it’s home. I feel a distinct and permanent separation from the world that I grew up in. Things are not so serious. Time has a fullness, and my being feels light, filled with love, laughter, and a genuine wonder for the unfolding. I stop to smell the flowers on my way home and realize that I am happy.