20241031 - 14:00
Repeatedly I have made more or less ambitious attempts to start this project in the last few weeks, and repeatedly I have given up. I am not sure of its possibility, value, or most importantly, my intention behind it. Keeping in mind recent events in my life, I am no longer sure if this will reach anyone. Dhamma is all of my concern - even, or perhaps especially so, in my (whereas such is the case) intentional negation of it - and those with whom I shared this with, precisely because of my newfound understanding (belief?), however lacking it might be, are now further away than ever. As it has occurred, perhaps by circumstance, most likely by design, my journey is now in actuality a solitary one. Such a weight shall not be underestimated, and I hope to dive deeper into specifically what that solitude means. As for now, my most recent attempt, bite-sized pieces might make up for my incapability to create a unifying whole. Far be it from claiming my path as the path, I have simply come to understand that is is fundamentally different. The success of various others are not in contention, only the idea of a ‘common goal’. Certainly, Zen masters are Zen masters, football players are great at football, and meditation brings a calmer state of mind. The reasons I became interested in Buddhism is not the reason I stuck with it, nor is it the reason I now boldly post the words “Dhamma is all of my concern” to a text-based webpage with my name plastered on it. If the words are not reflected in my actions they are not true, and yet the striving is. To the best of my ability.. I have, again, lowered my horizons, committed to an overarching intentionality, in short: taken aim and fired. How far the bullet travels we shall know only when it ceases to.