20240130 - 11:38
It’s been a while. I think life’s been too much for reflection, spending all my energy just to get through the day. Before I left, the tide turned. I was terrified it wouldn’t. But we got a resolution, a happy parting. I’m a bit worried that I’m starting this trip in the wrong end. But seeing all this comfort, luxury, and indulgence, I’m not moved. It doesn’t tempt me like before. I know why I’m here. My center seems stable. Although, people, they move me. A world long-forgotten. But I let that be, recognizing it for what it is. Remnants of the past. I am not there anymore. Seeing my dad, I realize that I never again will be. Something has shifted, and no matter how much I struggle, there’s no going back. Yet in the place where there was fear, now excitement resides. Longing for the future that used to scare me. Delighting in Sensuality is what must be overcome. Not to resist craving, but to stop delighting in the want itself. At least a first step has been taken.