20231104 - 11:06
Wow. This is so different from what I imagined. So chaotic. I feel like I might’ve made a big mistake, coming here. I was expecting nature, seclusion. Instead it’s in the middle of a bunch of roads, just on the sidewalk. How are you supposed to develop calmness here? It also feels much smaller than I imagined, barely any students. I will try to perservere, to let go of expectations and see where life takes me. But this one.. it’s going to be difficult. We’ll see when the actual course starts, how it turns out. I got here at 09, now it’s 18, and I’ve just been sleeping the whole day. Tomorrow I might try and walk around a bit, see if there’s a good place for my hammock. My mind is screaming at the situation, so uncomfortable.
Today I quite miss home, the quiet country-side. Just riding a bike on a summer evening, no people to be seen. The cool breeze picking up from the speed of the bike. Sweat running. Then going to the lake for a swim. Ah, nostalgia. That’s torture. Dukkha. But I’ve seen this before. When I got to China, I was also missing home. At least there it was easy to get away for a while. In Nepal, too. Perhaps this is the challenge I’ve come here to face.